just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
