I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
