Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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