We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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