Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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