the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
