she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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