I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
