Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
this boner is exhausting
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
