Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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