are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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