Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
