I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
