I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize