My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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