Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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