my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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