My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
