I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
