honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
