Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
