he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
