Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
