i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
COCAINE IS GR8
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
