Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Randomize
