Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
