time to smoke my breakfast
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
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Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
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I don't think tits should taste like fish.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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