the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
