ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
