party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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