I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
