Where is the hickey?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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