apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
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