after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
