Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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