I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
