Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
