and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
