Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Randomize
