We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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