I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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