You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
