Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
