i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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