There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
