I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
