What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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