Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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