Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
