i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
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We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
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She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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