You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
