Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
