Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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