I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
