a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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