I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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