im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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