Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
