please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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