I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
