I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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