Im at strip club and am horny
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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