Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
