My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
